I found it!!! Yayyyy. *wipes tears I thought it was gone for good lol.

Wow I've been gone a really loooong time haven't I....Hmmm Lets see Jasmine and Damien are now 3 and 4 years old and Rene is about to be 13 this july wow a teen already (amacks head against keyboard) that should be fun and very interesting but so far it seem as though he'll be a much better and waaay more respectable teen than I ever was "Thank God"  

so much has happened and changed since I've been away. will have to update at a later time as I am working right now duuuhh!

I'm Baaaaack,

I think? I can't edit my bravejournal. What happened is it gone? I can still see it but can't edit!

Oh nooooo (Sighs)

 Wednsday night michael's family called at 2 am because they were stranded 75 miles from us with a blown tire and needed Mike to pick them up.So he got out of bed and left to rescue them.They decided to come in a van that's less than reliable.They didn't get to my house till 4:00 am. Mike failed to tell me his mother was brining his 3 lovely children until wedsnday night and I just kept thinking why do they want to be here if Damien makes them so uncomfortable? I know I know horrible of me to feel this way about them but I just couldn't help it from the last time I felt completely uncomfortable after his mother made it so clear little Mikie not only didn't like us together,but was angry and throwing a hissy fit due to my son being born for 14 years old he acts like he's 5,Jasmine was completely welcome but I didn't feel Damien was. And then to top it off with all the questions of why he had hints of red in his hair,or why was he so small since the other children were all 10 lbs? Which just frustrated the hell out of me because his "daughter" Monica who is 9 and looks absolutely nothing like Mike,she's half black with curly kinky hair,where as his other 2 sons,Jasmine and Damien all look identical to him same straight hair, nose, feet, everything lol the only thing my little ones got from me is my eyes. And I know it shouldn't matter and it doesn't about monica not being his but to me they are questioning the wrong child and it just needs to stop. but hey I thought maybe I'm just reading more into it and turning into a real bitch! No I was right, the first thing his mother says when she held the baby Thursday morning was " oh now he looks more like Mike, oh yes his features are coming in now I was beginning to wonder haha," laughter after she says it,it was funny to her I guess, I wanted so badly to point out the little girl with dark curly kinky hair and say "well how do you explain tha when the other kids look completely identical,but that was just childish ya know. So I took my baby from her and walked into my bedroom.I was frustrated and needed to take a shower so I gave the baby to Mike and Jasmine was running around,when I get out of the bathroom Mikie is holding Damien and I should have been hapy but it was like why is the brat even trying now? Yea my hormones were raging.I kept telling myself to shut the hell up and quite being so bitchy but it was hard. I went into the kitchen after Mike's mom left with his uncle to go get the van they abandoned the night before and tried to let it all go, Margaret Michaels cousins daughter who was over last weekend was dropped off by her dad whom I was now angry at because it turns out the last time they were here and Mike and him were drinking and decided to leave to another friends house without so much as saying anything to me, had been telling Mike that night that he should watch me and just be careful because I might cheat on him or something and Mike again didn't tell me this until wednsday! and he didn't just tell me he actually questioned me about it!He was like well it just sounds suspicious why would he say that? and i'm like "hello, he and his wife just split like 2 weeks ago and he's looking for a party partner! it's kinda like why should anyone else be happy if he's not you know"  it pissed me off! and now He was staying for Thanksgiving? why am I being forced to be around people who do not like me? and before all of this I had never done anything to make them feel this way about me, to be telling him all these things just isn't right. If anything I think Mike needs to check his cousin because if it's anyone being deceitful or anything it's xavier not me!I told Mike he needed to question his motives not mine! Anyways,dinner wasn't done till about 7:00 pm we ate and then I retired to the room for the rest of the night. Friday was much better since I told myself I'd just ignore stupidity and not let them get to me. Margaret was going to be spending the weekend with us as well while daddy went home which is 60 miles from us wich is fine cause I really would have been irratated if I had to see his face one more day!

 All together there was 5 adults and 8 kids in my 2 bedroom apartment can you feel how crampt it was in here?!  lol...

That night the girls sat with me in my room talking about everything from school,food,family,babies and much more.The slept in my room that night and the day ended well but Mike had to work Saturday so that would mean It'd be me and his family...alone!....

When I got up his mom had made breakfast and cleaned the kitchen. The kids were playing video games, and the ones that were'nt were in Rene's room. The day went fairly fast compared to how I thought it would go annd his mom and I talked a bit about the kids and the weather and other non interesting stuff. Little Mikie talked to me a bit too but then needede to get out I suppose so he and his brother left for a walk. And then his mom has to say something gain to let me know those kids are uncomfortable around me cause she says well he needed to go for a walk he's so frustrated you know, he needs to be out now, not so close to some people you know how it is. and she gets up to throw some clothes in the laundry. whatever I thought I could careless. so I fed Damien and Jasmine, vacuumed and did light cleaning. Mike didn't get home till about 6:45 pm that night then his mom went to the store and she bought both babies diapers and Damien formula which I do appreciate! She tries to be nice I suppose but then at times makes it obvious that she's so much more close to the other kids and Mikes ex. whatever you know I'm not gonna kiss ass to make someone like me or except my children it just seems so forced to me sometimes but then again I could just be one crazy hormone having bitch lol. They left Sunday at around 10 am and I told Mike to tell Xavier to pick margaret up before his family left! Mike told him like 3 times and he was there early alright but he didn't leave until like 11 am making small talk and I'm telling you it makes me uncomfortable because I don't know wether he is trying to prove a point to Michael or if it's something else, but I'm tired of being questioned about something or someone I have no intention on doing! he just kept asking things like what I had planned for the rest of the day and little crap like that and finally I was like well I got things to do and Mike don't get home till around 5 so I'll have him call you or something, he got the hint I suppose and they left. I called mike to let him know that his cousin stayed longer than he was supposed to and that he kept asking such weird questions and all he said was oh its ok. excuse me it's ok? then why the hell am I'm getting the 3rd degree about my motives with him when he's the one making stupid ass small talk staying longer when he knows it makes Mike uncomfortable, so once again I was mad at Mike because he questions me but the not the people he should be. I was never like this but my last relationship taught me alot about tolerence the more you have the more they walk all over you. I was really close to my exs family but when I left the situation they all turned on me and I'm just not about to have that happen again which is why I say I'm not gonna kiss ass you either like me or don't either way I don't give a damn just keep your opinions to yourself. I have no more tolerance for bs anymore, I used to be so laid back and quiet and just kept to myself that did no good people just seen someone they could step on, well no more I am so fed up with fake ass people! Why fake it if you dont like someone and then talk behind their back which is exactly what his cousin is doing. And as for his mom and kids well they can either except us or not but I already went out of my way to try and be caring and nice and they have the nerve to act the way they do, you can only try with someone for so long but if they still don't like you move on don't worry about it. I've got plenty in my day to worry about other than people talking amack however I don't want to hear it either.

Besides those few incidents Thanksgiving was good and the weekend was ok as well nothing too horrible, but still. SO now it's all ove and guess what!....They might come back for christmas!! Then we get to do it all over again...yipee......

I think I'm like a week away from "Menstuating" and since I had the baby I am just as bitchy as ever the week before I start hopefully the bitchyness wears down soon

Damien: Now 13 Weeks old, My how time does fly by! He has amazed me these first few months. He holds his head up really well, and has been since around 8 weeks or so, he never really had much of a floppy head lol. And now when I prop him up on the couch he will actually lean up to try and sit up unfortunately sometimes he leans a little too far and ends up almost toppling over so I can never leave him for even a second by himself lol. And he is just all smiles, he is such a happy baby. It's so funny because when I was pregnant with him I couldn't help but wonder how I would manage with 2 babies and what my life would be like and just what kind of baby he would be, I figured my luck he was gonna be as fussy as can be! I kept thinking how dramatically things were gonna change for me, And it has but far from what I imagined. Sure the house work is about as hectic as I thought if not more and the laundry has piled as high as I've ever seen before or even thought possible lol, But he has been sooooo pleasant and brought so much more happiness to this house that I can't even imagine what it would be like if he wasn't in our lives! He is just adorable and so loving, you can just see it in his eyes, he has possibly the cutest smile I've ever seen if I do say so myself! Jasmine just adores him and always rushes to his side to give him his bottle if he cries and gives him her blanket to comfort him and Rene always wants to hold him and thinks it's so funny that everytime he gets in Damien's sight Damien just laughs for no apparent reason lol. I guess he already thinks Rene is silly! And Daddy just loves that Damien already shows interest in computer gaming by not taking his eyes off the computer for a second when Daddy plays MOHAA! He loves the t.v as well which is weird because he actually sits in his swing and seems to be really interested in what he's watching lol.

 He is also the most cuddliest baby ever! You can hold him and he doesn't wiggle and fuss he just lies there staring at your face, smiling and cooing. He loves to fall asleep on my chest and loves to be close to me. i'm just so taken by him and can't help but give him so much hugs and kisses, I think I like having him in my arms and cuddling with him than he actually enjoys it lol! I love every new thing he does and look forward to everyday with him!He just warms my heart!And Miss Jasmine Now 17 months, is just as silly as can be! She is great with baby brother and looooves to run around with big brother Rene! She is so helpful and helps sweep or mop, of course when I'm cleaning she'll go behind me and pull it all back out and put it where she wants it lol but I suppose I should be thankful she helps! She absolutely loves books and loves to be read to, when we go to the library she has so much fun picking out the ones she wants! She even puts her books away when she's done looking at them! She loves music and knows the channels on the t.v that they are on as well as cartoons lol. She dances and moves her lips to the songs,it is just too cute! She is learning so much everyday and does some of the cutest things I've ever seen or heard! I love the way she says thank you, so polite already lol. Even when she's mad she's cute. She amazed me the other day because she is already trying to dress herself and actually got her shorts on the right legs and pulled them up! She's growing so fast.Everyday with her is so fun. Now that she's getting older, it's fun to see her point of view on things and her interests. She has been a joy as well, of course she has her moments as they all do and she can have a pretty big attitude! Let's just say she knows what she wants and how to get it lol. I look forward to every new thing she learns!She brings out the inner child in me and I love having fun with her, whether singing with her, playing a game or reading, it means so much to me and I enjoy every minute of it! The other day she made her first paper turkey I printed out the instructions and Rene, Jasmine and I sat in the kitchen making Thanksgiving turkeys, I helped Jasmine trace her feet and hands and glue the peices together,it was the cutest little turkey I've ever seen!! Both of their turkey's are hanging up on my kitchen wall

Rene's  Turkey                                                     Jasmine's Turkey                        

Arent they adorable? lol They had fun making them. And I had fun with them as well!

Rene's doing much better in school and is happy he get's his PS2 back lol. He is such a good helper and has the biggest heart ever! In school they had to do a report on what they are thankful for and he said" I am thankful for my brother my sister and my dad and having the nicest mom EVER!" which I thought I'm kinda hard on him sometimes lol. He says he enjoys the crafts I do with them and that his favorite thing to do is spend time with me. So I must be doing a good job somewhere along the line lol.

Mike's mom comes in sometime tonight so I've got quite a bit of cleaning to do I'm not gonna go crazy on the cleaning or anything just maybe do a little extra  or maybe not lol...Anyhoo I better get started cause I don't wanna be cleaning all day lol.....

                                            Have a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving!!!     **Devi0us...