::Thoughts Of a
Trapped In Her Own Mind::
My Joys And Trials Of Being A Young Mom And Learning To Over Come Obstacles:
I refuse to be a victim or another statistic I am a fighter and a survivor.. I am a wife, A mother and yet still a young girl..I have always believed I have more of a purpose here in life..Maybe that's why I was given many struggles.. I have struggled with Depression for some time now though I didn't know it till after I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression and found out later depression had been part of my life for some time....I ask myself everday who am I? and why am I here?...For me my biggest accomplishment so far is my babies..They have taught me so much mostly to appreciate life itself and how to enjoy every moment of my life with them..I only wish I didn't have to be lost to my fears and that I could control the thoughts that run deep within me..I fight everyday to stay strong.. Not only for me..For the little lives I have created..In hopes that one day,They will look at me and say.. She wasn't perfect but she tried,and maybe my trials will be their strength and they will know to never give up..To keep reaching and you will acheive... *Devi0us*






Oh Boy, of all the things a "Domestic Goddess" can do!
You'd think I would have already been embarrased going to Albertsons with that damn towel on my head
....
Well it was 10 till 8:00pm and I was really ready for relax time,I had washed Michaels uniforms,changed the babies for about the 20th time that day,ate dinner,cleaned up spilled noodles,and lets face it I was "pooped"
I had planned to take a nice long very warm shower and then curl up with the new book I got at the library "Lipstick Jungle" or perhaps even play Need for Speed 2 on the ps2 which I hadn't played in quite awhile,but soon my plans would be foiled. So I tell Michael "I'm off to take a shower" "cool" he replies and miss Jasmine decides to follow mommy and scream her head off because she wants to be in the bathroom with me but doesn't want to shut the door,Now I want a hot shower and if I leave that door open all the cold air will come rushing in I'll freeze my ass off!SO I say " you can come in with mommy but we need to close the door cause it will be oooh coooold" I say this while pretending as though I'm shivering
(a gesture she undertsands very well) "ooooh coooold" Jasmine replies mimicking my shiver
so she turns around grabs her stuffed tiger pillow thats just about her size from the hallway where she left it earlier and walks to the living room with Daddy. I close the door and get in the shower,it was sooo warm and relaxing I could litterally feel every bone in body just relax it felt so nice! I have some Sweet Pea body wash that smells just so heavenly and really invigorates the senses,it keeps you feeling soft too.It's a big bonus and helps me wind down after a long day with my "Angels".So I finish up,get out of the shower, get dressed in my "PJ's" which is basical some really comfortable cute workout sweats that are black,pink, and white and a very cute white and pink tank top that has a cute angel chick with a hat and says cute bunny,and of course to go along with it my fuzzy very comfortable pink slippers,I come out of the bathroom ready to relax and Mike asks aomething about Jasmine needing milk which makes me remember
Damien has left then a quarter left of formula!!!Oh great!So Mike's like "that's ok we'll be in and out in a few seconds." So here I go and I should've known I was asking for trouble stepping out of the house in pjs, slippers and a towel on my head! However I didn't care I felt confident and was like who cares anyways? no big deal. So we drive to Albertsons nd Mike decides he's gonna stay in the car with Jasmine because she was startingfall asleep and he doesn't know how to work the wic card, it's good to have but can be the most complicated thing in the world!!! (good excuse he probably didn't want to be seen with "miss Towel Head lol)So I said "ok I'll just be in and out I'll take Damien in with me since he's starting to fuss." I get Damien out of his carseat and we head into the store. There was this couple in front of me and the guy happened to look back and then turns a nd whispers to his wife
"she's got a towel on her head" she turns to look now both are snickering and laughing not loud but you know how you can tell and even though they are trying to be quiet you can still hear em lol. I walk past them and people now in each isle I go down are literally turning back to get a look. I still didn't care like it was even kinda funny to me
. I get to the baby isle and grab 2 cans of formula and head to the counter to purchase them with my ever so helpful W.I.C card
. Now when I get to the check out lane their is only one lane open and it does'nt take the w.i.c card so I ask the casheir where I can get my formula who turns when she hears my voice and looked a littled startled
. "Oh uh, let me get someone for you" she says not taking her eyes off my towel. "ok thanks" i say smiling
So she calls over the speaker she needs someone to open up the W.I.C checkout and people start turning to look at who needs this checkout line and of course I'm the only one standing there
"what was that what is it for?" one of the other cashiers asks "oh this young lady needs it" she says pointing my way. "I'll open it" the other cashier says she was really friendly and asked how old the baby was while I was entering my pin number for my trusty w.i.c card. "he'll be 3 months on the 22nd" I reply and she goes on to tell me about her 6 month old who's so ready to crawl and we're talking about our babies when the machine beeps and prints out this funny little receipt which I knew was not good. " have you used your card?" she asked " yea, about 2 weeks ago" I tell her" " have you downloaded it?" she asks and now I'm confused because I know what downloading is and I don't see what that has to do with my card lol. "well I suppose so because it was working just a couple weeks ago" I tell her so she tries again and says " well it only gives me this number so you may want to call them" " yea, I'll definitely be doing that!" I tell her " But you need the formula right ?" she asks " " well yes but I'll be back because I didn't bring my wallet with me." I just so wanted to get out of there becaus ethe other people in line were staring and I didn't have the cash with me right then and I look up and the other casheir is just staring at the towel on my head she just couldn't take her eyes off of it lol. when the cashier says " No, I want to purchase it for you" " oh no I couldn't let you do that " I tell her " Yea but t's not for you it's for the baby and I undertsand what it's like with these wic cards and I wouldn't want you to have to drive home and then have to come back." she says politely. "really it's ok" she says " i wouldn't feel right though I appreciate the thought though" "it will only take a second she says and people are just staring at the girl with the towel on her head and a wic card that don't work and needing formula
she whips out her card and pays for it and says " here you go little one" to the baby
I couldn't believe she bought it! " I don't know what to say, but I really appreciate it I'll be back to pay you." I say another checker comes to take her spot and she walks with me to the door she smiles at the baby and talks to him and then says to me" Don't worry about it I understand how hard things can be,I know how frustrating that card is,I did it for the baby it's no problem at all! I would hope someone would do it for me if I needed it." she says " I owe you big I really appreciate it I tell her I usually always have my wallet with me but I was kinda caught off guard tonight." I say laughing " I sure as hell wouldn'tve come out here with a towel on my head but it's been a looong day
" I say. " Oh I know about that" she says "so please don't worry about it, from one mother to another I just wanted to help." and with that she turns and says "have a good night" "You Too" and I walk out kind of in disbelief thinking people still do that now a days? I kinda didn't know how to feel or react. I get in the car and tell Mike all about it who says " wow that was really nice of her,did you tell her you just had to go home and get the money?" " yes, but she kept insisting and then she just bought it." "well that was really nice of her." he says. he was shocked just as much as I was. But I kind of felt like I hope she didn't think I was like a crack head or something I mean seeing me with the towel on my head maybe she thought I was nuts or something lol! either way I truly appreciate it but am embarrased by it as well. I don't like taking anything from anyone Not even my own family let alone a stranger! But It's nice to know there are still caring people in this world I mean I try to help people as much as possible and wish there were more people like that but it's different when they help me out I don't know how to act.I can be there for people easily but it's hard being on the recieving end.
Hi hon,