My Awakening Thought For Today:

FeelingEmbarrased andguilty..

Why?Because I know I shouldnt have let what he said get to me,However it was'nt very wise of him neither! But I know he loves me and did'nt mean to upset me.I probably wouldnt have gotten so upset but I realize that it's probably because being in shape is really important to me,which I why I have decided to try and fit sometype of fitness routine in for myself,Not for him but because I need it! I know I wouldn't have been so upset about it if it wer'ent for my own insecurity.I mean at 24 I really don't want saggy boobs and a bean bag for a tummy lol! I really do miss being in shape. So I kinda feel bad for blowing up on him.when he came home yesterday i was taking Jasmine and Damien a bath and had already finished with dinner,He asked me if i were still mad at him and i sadi that I kinda was and he says"well you shouldnt be after all we are perfect together,remember the stars and your horoscope says so!" lol which is true,I am really big on horoscopes especially the chinese horoscopes and fortune cookies as well lol,I always have ever since I was really little those things just always held some truth for me and the fortune cookie I read before we got together said that I would find love with someone whom I'd least expect and a couple weeks later we were sitting outside gazing at the stars and talking when he told me how he felt about me which i was trully shocked by because he was the last person i expected to feel that way about me!And in cosmo mag shortly after we got together had a thing about love and horoscopes and was saying alot of good things about Aries and Leo most of which we both related to. we got chinese food the other day and it said something about stars and love i still have it somewhere but it just amazes me how things like that just fit in perefctly with us it's like there are signs everywhere lol. I know God put him in my life for so many reasons! Ones that I hoped and prayed for for so long!! We have a really good relationship,that is when he doesnt say something to piss me off lol,But really I know we truly are meant to be!As our horoscopes say we are a perfect match,but i wouldnt even need that to be sure,when I think about how patient he is with me and how loving he can be it tells me we are right for each other.....

So i've decided i really want to work on me, i drive myself crazy with my pessimistic ways at times lol,but i guess after being brought up that way its just really hard to see any good but i really want to change that. I realize that you can't change others but you can change you! I really want to be happy and reach the goals i have had since I was a little girl,not just for me but for my kids as well,I want to give them happiness and have something to be proud of. i know that them seeing mommy happy will make them even happier,I want them to know that no matter what you have been through you have the power to change and create a life fullfilling and happy.I don't want them to grow up seeing me how i've seen my own mother while growing up,she basically let her life wilt like a rose uncared for. I am going to take charge of my life and make myself happy.I never believed anything good could ever happen to me or for me,but I realize now that it all lies on you. I want a career in medical no matter how long it takes me! I want us to have what we always wanted and together I know we can have it. So instead of being upset over what things I am going to think about how I can turn it into a good thing!Starting with fitness lol. Now I am not sure how well this is going to be for me,it is really hard to stick to something like that when you dont have a friend to share it with or being able to get to the gym or hey even have the luxury to have a personal fitness trainer like celebs do!But I'll try to atleast fit in some fitness hmm maybe I can make a schedual for the week or something. I dont want to lose weight since I'm small enough i just really need to tone up! So I'm gonna do the pilates and yoga i used to do. Yoga especially because I really need to breathe and let it all go. I am also going to let all the bad stuff go. I have held it in for far too long but it really isnt doing anything but putting more strain on me.I need to learn how to forgive and forget if not just forget! this next year is really going to be focused on self healing! something I have NEVER done in my life. focus on myself and give myself room and allow to brush things off without holding grudges and to forgive myself for anything i let poison my spirit and self image! I don't know how or when i let it get to me but it's time to take my life and make it into something I can be proud of!!